We’ve all done it. Signed up for a program with great excitement… only to let it gather dust in a folder in our email never to be heard from again.
Today we’re discussing why we don’t finish projects and what you can do about it. The answer may be to NOT do the project but we’ll show you how to have peace about your decision so it stops haunting you… or how to get out there and crush it so you can feel accomplished!
TRANSCRIPT OF THE SHOW
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Hi, and welcome to episode 11 of the Made For Greatness podcast. I’m Sterling Jay, and today we’re going to be talking about why we don’t finish programs. So I wanted to talk about this both because I keep getting emails from people asking about masters and like, but how much time does it take and what do I need to do? And I can tell that there’s this real fear behind the questions of, but I’ve signed up for so many things and I’ve not done them before. And then recently Nancy of Catholic Sprouts put out the Domestic Church Project. And I love what she’s trying to do. I love that she’s trying to get a hundred thousand Catholic families to go through her six week bootcamp program to bring the fundamentals of our Catholic faith into the home and to teach parents how to do it with their children.
And it starts with this six week program. So I signed up to support her and I went into her group and I thought, you know, I bet there are lots of people who’ve signed up for this and already kind of know that they’re not going to do it right. Like they signed up. They were like, this sounds great. I want my kids to be more Catholic. They signed up and already in the back of their mind, they kind of know I’m not going to do this. So I wrote a post in the group about mindset and how important it is that we approach programs with the right mindset. And it was a popular post and people were really grateful that I wrote it that I thought, well, I should do an entire episode on this concept for you guys, because you are signing up for things all the time, whether it’s a weight loss program or a business program maybe you’re learning more about how to bring Montessori into your, your home.
Maybe you signed up for the Domestic Church Project. There’s lots of things that we sign up for. And so today I’m going to talk about the three things that happen when we don’t have the right mindset and the three things that we can do to have a mindset that serves us more and helps us to finish what we started. So first let me tell you what happens to most of us when we sign up for programs. And I don’t know about you, but this problem for me was getting worse and worse. Every year. It was like the longer I had been a mom or the more kids that I had or the, that I got, the more I broke trust with myself. And so the louder that voice was saying, you’re not going to do this. You never finished things. Remember those other things we signed up for you’re too busy, right?
And so that was getting, you know, worse over time. So if you’re feeling that, I just want to say, I totally get where you’re at. It, it does feel like without training as a mom, more and more of us, like the real part of us just starts to like wither away and not in the beautiful, die to yourself and serve your family way in the way where we really just stopped prioritizing even what God is asking us to do. Right? So we feel that God is asking us to do more things or something very specific, and we just keep not doing it. And we’re kind of drowning and overwhelmed. So the first reason why we don’t finish programs is we buy them for the wrong reasons. So we buy them out of fear or scarcity, and you can do that with a really wonderful program.
So let’s just take the Domestic Church Project, right? As an example of that. And all of a sudden, you know, you’re watching your kids play and one of them hits the other. And the other says something really cutting and mean back. And you’re watching this play out and you have this feeling wash over you, that you are a bad mom and you’re not doing a good job of teaching them who Jesus is and, and how to be kind to each other. And first of all, that’s not true, but I know that’s probably what a lot of you are experiencing as you watch a scene like that. And you think, Oh, I need to teach them more about their faith. But instead of doing that from a really beautiful, positive place, you’re doing it from a place of fear or scarcity like, Oh no, I don’t do that.
The kids are going to end up being terrible people. I see the evidence right now, right? And as our kids get older, we see even more evidence that they’re going to be terrible people. We don’t focus on the evidence. We have that they’re going to be really wonderful people. And we have lots of evidence for that too. But our brain immediately focuses on the evidence that they’re going to be terrible. People you’ve totally screwed it up. And not only are you failing it as a mom, but you’re failing it as a Catholic mom, who’s supposed to impart, impart the truth. Goodness and beauty of our faith to your children. Totally screwing it up. So when this is what’s in your mind and you go to the internet and you buy Nancy’s program, you’re not going to be starting it from a very good place. It’s pretty difficult for us to have success when we’re operating from a place of fear and scarcity, like the devil wants you sign up for that program, petrified that you’re screwing things up because he knows that if that’s the energy that you sign up for that program with, you’re not going to do it.
And then you’re going to tell yourself even more lies about how terrible you are and how you can’t finish what you started, even things that are good. And just let that sink in for the sec. For a second, the devil wants you to sign up for a Catholic family program and not do it because he knows that you’ll end up in a worse place than if you hadn’t signed up at all. He wants you to have that moment where you think maybe things could be better and then they aren’t going into your faults.
And the more that we can hear the lie and distinguish the voice in our head, that’s from God and the truth versus lies. The quicker we can get away from them. And we can plant truth in our minds.
Later I’m going to ask you to maybe make a list of all the programs you bought in the last year, because you still have them. You still have the logins, all of that. And I want you to ask yourself, what was I scared of? Or was I operating from a place of scarcity? Which means not having enough of something, but from a scared place. When I bought this program, you should get curious about that because
All of our feelings can be redeemed. There was something that God wanted you to know. So when you see the kids fighting, it’s actually a good thing to have the thought, Oh, they need more Jesus. But you can think that from a place of love and abundance and wanting to like, bring this thing into your family instead of fear and scarcity, okay. So the next thing that happens, we buy something out of fear and scarcity, and then we start grooving those old tracks. Okay. Like almost from day one, your brain is like, but you’re not really gonna do this. You never finish anything. You’re way too busy. Now, like maybe you were able to do things well in college or in those first jobs that you had, but now you’re a hot mess. You can’t get anything done. You are so overwhelmed. Why did you think you could take something else on?
And if you are hearing me say those things, and it feels like a punch to the stomach, because you are saying those things to yourself all day long, but especially about programs, or even maybe just a food change that you wanted to make in your life. Like, Oh, I think I’m allergic to dairy and I’m trying to cut that out. Same voices are gonna come back in. Oh, but you never stick with things. You finished things. You’re not going to be able to do it. So when we have those thoughts, we tend to feel like a failure. And that feeling of failing is right on top of the feeling of shame must be something wrong with me broken. Must’ve been, my childhood must be my strained marriage must be because I’m not praying enough. Right. Shame. And when we feel the feeling of shame, we do two things. We hide, we hide ourselves from the Lord. We hide ourselves from our family. We physically hide in another room. We hide ourselves in our phones.
We are so desperate to get away from shame that we hide. Yeah. And the second thing that we do is that we buffer, which is kind of another version of the first thing, but I wanted to pull it out separately because buffering is when we’re eating to not feel our feelings, drinking, to numb ourselves out, watching television, to not feel like a failure, looking at our phones, maybe cleaning the house instead of this program that you felt really called to do. And here’s what I want to point out the cycle of buying things out of fear and scarcity telling ourselves horrible lies, and then feeling shame. When we feel shame, we do a lot of things. You are actually spending a great deal of time, doing things, to not feel shame. One of the biggest lies is that you don’t have enough time. Mama, you have like 18 hours a day, less, less than that. Maybe you have a lot of time. You have at least 12, seven to seven, 12 hours a day and we’re frittering it away. And I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I’m saying that because right now you’re telling yourself a lie, which is that you are stressed and overwhelmed and you do not have enough time. But the reason you feel like you don’t have enough time is because you are spending so much time running from shame.
And you’re doing all these activities like a busy, busy bee. And it feels okay, whelming. And you’re exhausted because you are expending a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy, but you’re doing all of that to not feel shame. So I want to show you what you can do instead pain. I like to say that life coaches just help people make decisions. So I want to help you make a decision about any program that you’ve purchased or you’re thinking about purchasing, right? I want you to make a list of them and she’d take a deep breath and she to pray over every single one. You’re going to just one at a time, you’re going to pray over program like the Domestic Church Project or like our program masters. And you’re going to say, what am I hoping to get out of this program? Why was I even thinking about signing up for this? And the answer might be to improve my faith life, to get healthier, to improve my marriage, to make money, to save money.
And I want you to sit with that reason until it feels calm and peaceful, not scary. Nothing is going to save you. You don’t need saving.
We want to decide to do things from a place of hope and excitement. When I signed up for the Domestic Church Project was two things. One I genuinely just wanted to support Nancy. Cause I love her work and I wanted to be able to talk about it. And then second, I wanted to learn how to speak about faith in a way that resonates with children. And I’ve been kind of making that up and I feel okay about what we’re doing actually. But I thought I want to learn how someone who has spent a great deal of time talking to children, talks about the Catholic faith to our children.
I want you to think of the compelling reasons that you are signing up for something. And I want you to write them down and it should be more than one reason. If you’re signing up for a weight loss program, it’s not just to weigh less pounds. It is to have more energy. It is to feel more confident. It is to show a good example for your children. It is to have self control so that you don’t feel like you have a religion of food. We want to lean on God when we are stressed out, not on food. It’s a very compelling reason drives me, Especially now that I’ve lost most of my weight. I still feel a disordered attachment to food and some working on that. But what a beautiful reason, I love that reason of just wanting to know that I rest in Christ instead of carbs. I’m not there yet. When I get stressed, she’d want a hamburger still just want that. I mean my training ground, but I know what my compelling reasons are and why I’m sticking with this plan that I have. So you’re going to write down your compelling reasons. And then you’re going to picture yourself at the end.
Who do you look like? What do you sound like? What does that woman feeling? So at the end of the six week Domestic Church Project, I’m feeling more confident that my children, No, the Catholic faith more deeply, I think after six weeks of talking about our faith at the dinner table, that’s also going to create a habit of our family. Talking about faith at the dinner table. I would feel really proud if that was part of our daily routine.
I would feel closer to God. I would hope that the children are closer to God. I can not imagine that. I can imagine how it would feel, how the little person inside of me would be standing tall. I always think about my future self at the end of a program and for a business program, I usually come up with a financial goal too. If I’m investing a thousand dollars in this, I’m going to make $10,000.
And the important thing is that you find your compelling reasons and you decide, you decide on day one. What you’re going to get out of the program, no matter who’s teaching it, no matter who shows up no matter what the information is, because I guarantee one sentence in a program could drastically alter your life. This is true of when I go to conferences, right? Like I used to go to conferences and I’d be like, Ugh, I kind of know all of this already. I’ve read so many Catholic books.
I’ve heard that message a hundred times. Yes, we’re all a daughter of Christ. Right. But when I went in with that attitude, I didn’t get very much out of it. And now I go in and I’m like, I am going to get one at least. But one gem that is so powerful That this will be a conference that really impacts my life. And there always is one. When I go in like that, I always get what I came for now, because I decided ahead of time, this is what I’m going to get out of this program. And then I show up and I make sure that that is what I get out of the program. I decide what my compelling reasons are, what I want. I picture myself at the end. And if it’s a membership program that doesn’t have an end, they usually think about myself three months out or a year out. This is who I’m going to be or what I will have learned in that amount of time.
And then I really focus on that woman. What is she thinking? What is she feeling? And then I try to bring that into this moment right now. So again, with the Domestic Church Project example, me at the end of that is feeling confident that I am the kind of mom that is teaching the faith to her children. And I’m thinking I’m doing a good job of teaching my kids, the Catholic faith. So then I want to begin thinking that today and showing up like that today. What’s nice about that per program is there is a daily component. So I can just do that every day. I can begin to act like a woman who teaches her children, the Catholic faith
So here’s how to get the most out of a program. Okay. Three things, one, you come up with your compelling reasons, as many as you can think of, and you write them down too, you visualize, and you talk to the future. You that has accomplished this program. How is she feeling? What is she thinking? And you think about that woman a lot. How can I show up like her today? So, you know, last year when I had 70 pounds to lose, and I was thinking about that woman, I thought about how she prioritizes healthy food. And she has a plan for when she goes to parties in there, isn’t great food, right? And she has learned some prayer tools that she can grab onto when she’s stressed out and losing hold of herself and wants to go eat cookies. And then I say, how can I live more like that woman today? So I wasn’t saying like, how can I pretend that I weigh 70 pounds less today? And I have lots more energy, right? That’s not what it was. It was more, how is she feeling and what is she thinking? And how can I be more like that today? So really getting to know that future self. And then the last thing is just being very committed to the outcome. I have decided, this is what I’m going to get out of the program.
I’m going to show up and I’m going to do it. Have you ever signed up for something? And you got in there and you were like, disappointed. You were like, Oh, it’s actually not as great as I thought it was going to be. That’s a big lie that the devil wants you to focus on. There may be truth in it. It may be different than what you thought, but the real lie is like, Oh, and then it’s not going to work. So I’ve done that. I’ve purchased things where I get in and I’m like, Oh, it’s basic. Or it’s not exactly what I thought it was. And now I just commit to what I’m going to get out of it. Like, Oh, when I signed up for this, I thought it would make me a better whatever. And some things have easy metrics, like weight or money and some don’t and that’s okay. I still just, what did I think I was going to get out of it? That’s what I’m going to get out of it. I’m going to get what I came for. I decide how effective programs are going to be for me.
I look for the ways that it will make me better and I am committed to getting that outcome. So when you know those three things, your compelling reasons who you’ll be at the end and what your outcome is, the likelihood that you will show up and participate in finished that program goes through the roof. And so a lot of people will ask me how much time does it take to be in masters, which is kind of an interesting question, because there’s nothing that’s required of you. She could buy it and spend no time doing it. You could buy it and consume everything in there in the first four days. And the program that I modeled masters after
I did that, I mean, I probably spent 20 hours watching videos and group coaching calls, and I was happy about it. No one was making me, there was no time requirement, but I went in there thinking this is going to change my life. And I showed up and it did. And I wanted to create something that was just like that for Catholics. And then when I found out that Larissa had done the same thing, she said the same thing, like on day one, it began changing her life. And the first thought she had was, Oh, we need to bring this to Catholic moms.
And so you get to decide how much time you spend on any program. Most people programs we sign up for. There are no tests, there’s no certification. And nobody yells at you. If you don’t do it, they just don’t offer you resources. And you get to decide what you want to get out of that program. And I hope this makes you excited. I hope you give yourself a little bit of grace for perhaps why in the past, you may not have finished things, but now you feel like you have the tools to do it. And maybe there’s something you signed up for before that you never finished, that you can tackle now by asking yourself, what are the compelling reasons? Who was I going to be at the end?
And what outcome do I want? And going after I can do that at any time. What’s amazing about the name internet today is that we have the tools to learn anything. What is it that God is asking you to learn something? He wants us to grow all the time. He wants us to become more like the Saint that he has planned to be. We get to decide what we get out of programs. And right now, if you have signed up for something out of fear or scarcity, and it’s not the right time for you, I want you to decide that decide right now. Oh, I bought this program. I can see right now, I wasn’t from the right state of mind and this isn’t the time I’m going to put it on the shelf. I’m going to revisit it. When I feel like God is asking me to visit this.
Sometimes we make the wrong choice. But what I don’t want you to do is have it be this way around your neck. That’s constantly telling you that you’re failing and you’re a screw up and that you should be ashamed of yourself because you should know better. We’re going to let that go right now. I want you today to make a decision about every program you signed up for, whether it’s for you or for the kids and just decide today, does it stay on the or not? Is it going to be something I’m committed to doing or do we need to let it go? You’re just going to just, and then for each thing, you’re going to pray over them. Write down your compelling reasons, envision your future self, and then be committed to get what you came for, get the results that you want out of that program.
I will put a link up to Nancy’s Domestic Church Project program. I’ll put a link up to masters and in Catholic mom’s social, I’ll post this podcast. And I want to hear about programs that you guys are in programs. You guys think are awesome. I’ve never signed up for Amy Porterfield’s programs. She does things about marketing and copy and courses, but everyone loves Amy Porterfield. So I’d love to know if anybody’s done her program. And let’s just share that with each other. Let’s just say these are programs that transformed my life, and I want to hear what they were. I want to hear how you get the most out of your programs that you sign up for.
And I want you to come share when you struggle, like, Oh, you’re totally right. I signed up for these five things and I’m not doing any of them. And as a community, we will give you a big hug and we will say, okay, let’s pick one. Which one do you think you should go with? Right. It’s such a wonderful place to be. It feels so warm and inviting and supportive. And I’m really proud that we’ve created such a wonderful community over there at Catholic mom’s social. Alright, mama, thank you for listening. I’m praying for you. I’m praying that God tells you what he wants you to do. Remember we have the ability to hear what God wants us to do to really discern where he wants us to go. So just take it all to the Lord. Lord, what do you want me to do? Should I continue this? Should I sign up for that? Should I cancel this? Where do you want me to put my time? Lord? And he will tell you, and you have the strength to do it because mama, you were made for greatness.