What does life look like months after you’ve learned to manage your mind?
Find out as Sterling describes how she uses the life coaching tools of Masters in her everyday life. From toddlers, to waking up, to losing weight… see how you can manage your mind around everyday things that come up!
Hopefully some of these everyday examples apply to your life so you can begin to manage your mind around the normal situations that come up that leave us feeling frustrated or stuck so you can choose to feel peaceful or empowered instead!
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Hi, and welcome to episode 25 of the made for greatness podcast. I’m Sterling Jay. And today I want to talk about
Just some regular ways that I use mindset coaching in my day-to-day life. So I learned about these tools last year, and I wanted to give you a sense of how I still use them, because this is not the kind of thing where you learn it. And then you’re done. You’re always kind of finding new ways
Of changing your thoughts so that you can enjoy your day more so that you can experience the feelings that you want to feel. And I don’t want that to sound overwhelming to you. Like, Oh no, it’s a lot of work or it takes a long time. It doesn’t, it does not feel like that, but in an exciting way, you feel powerful. You feel empowered
To find different thoughts to reframe the things in your life that come up that may previously have not felt so great. So I just wanted to share some really simple examples from my own life things that happened last week and ways that I use mindset coaching.
So first off, when I wake up, okay, my toddler brain, and we talked about how we have this toddler brain that wants to throw tantrums. It doesn’t want us to change anything. It wants us to be super comfortable. It doesn’t like to do
Take risks. Your toddler brain doesn’t want you to do anything new. So when I wake up in the morning, especially if I’m still very sleepy, my top,
Their brain might go, Ugh, we don’t want to do what we have to do today. Right? That’s a totally normal thing for brains to do because my brain is
Basically, saying, can we just stay in bed? Because we think that that would be more safe and more comfortable.
Thank you brain for loving me so much. I see that you want to keep me safe and comfortable. You are so good at your job. You have managed to keep me alive a hundred percent of the days of my life. Good job.
So now when I catch my toddler brain saying that I take a deep breath, I put my hand on my heart.
I usually say a prayer to the Lord, Lord, thank you for this morning. Thank you that I woke up this morning. I am alive. And so you have a work for me to do, and I will ask the Lord,
What kind of day am I going to have today? I can’t wait to find out because here’s the thing. Most of us wake up and we think we know what’s going to happen
For the day. We even sometimes have a to-do list and we’re like, Lord, I ordered this to-do list. Here you go. This is what’s going to happen today. And you must’ve been.
And that he smiles at us and thinks, Oh, sweetheart, I love you The perfect day planned for you. It’s exactly the day that you need to have.
And so, because I know this now and I can reframe it in my mind. The thought that I choose to have in the morning is I’m going to have exactly the day that God wants me to have. And that makes me feel so open and curious,
Like I’m just waking up to serve him. Like he’s going to put people and situations and challenges in front of me that I don’t even know about yet, but that’s what he wants. Those are going to be my lesson.
And so that’s the first way. Yeah, I change my mind that I manage my mind. So it’s not that I wake up and I’m like, [inaudible], everything’s great. My brain still goes sometimes and says, ah, I don’t want to do everything we have to do today. But then I come right back in and I say,
Oh, but we’re going to have exactly the day that God wants us to.
Let’s see what happens.
Okay. The second moment that I’ve been using mindset coaching recently is in the morning when I get the boys up. So I talked about how I reframed my mind that when I change poopy diapers, I just tell myself that I’m cleaning out the generational sin for my house. So I took something that was not enjoyable and I just reframed it in my mind and it doesn’t make an enjoyable, but I feel so willing to do it because that thought feels so lovely to me. So this new problem cropped up my two and a half year old and my one and a half year old, all of a sudden, I don’t know which one did it first, but then they saw that the other one did it. So now they built to it. When I come in the room, they run to the back of their cribs, right? So they run to the back and they put their arms around the back and they go, no, no, no, they don’t want me to get them. And at first I was, you know, silly about it and I had tickle fingers and I was like, I’m going to get you. And then I was like, well, okay, I have to get you in order to do breakfast. I started negotiating with them and eventually I would just reach in there and grab them.
And I would put them on the changing table and they would cry.
This was very surprising to me because this hadn’t been a problem at all before I wasn’t hurting them at all. We’re literally just changing their jammies and putting their clothes on. We do it every morning. And so I was finding that it was frustrating that this was happening times to every morning, instant tears. And it hurts a mama’s heart. When we watch our children’s
Cry, we don’t like that. And I felt very stuck that I didn’t know what to do. Right. So feeling of inadequacy and not, not having the tools I needed as a mom
Came up for me, so happened a few times. And I was like, wait a minute.
Sounds like you’re a mindset coach. And you could figure this out. And so I thought, how could I love this ritual that’s happening? And so I decided that every time they were going to do this thing, which in my opinion is ridiculous.
Every time they were going to do this ridiculous thing, that I was going to sing to them. And the thought I was going to choose to have was thank God, God, thank you, Lord, that I am the man,
Some of these boys, and I can handle their crying. Thank you for making me their mom and not somebody else who would yell at them or squeeze them or something. I’m just going to love them through this phase. It’s just a phase. We all know that even though it feels awful right now, it won’t last that long.
And so now for the last few days, since I’ve done this work on my mind, I just sing. And I just tell them as I’m singing, I just tell them how much I love them, what special boys they are, how much God loves them, how we’re getting ready for the day, how it’s okay. That they’re upset.
And there some behaviors that I, I wouldn’t allow it, I would kind of discipline them out. The challenges, this is kind of a time pinched moment and I just need to get them ready and upstairs. So I I’m hoping in this case, if I just don’t give into it and we just keep getting ready and they notice that we do that every morning, that the crying stops, I will update you on that later. Okay. So that was the second, just totally ordinary way that I used mindset training recently.
So the next way the next way was with my melancholic daughter and my melancholic daughter is very melancholic, which means she often says, Oh, thanks. You’re terrible. I don’t like that. I had a horrible day. And what I realized when I was listening to her, and I mentioned that before, but I realized that What I was doing was I was telling her that she was melancholic.
So I would say, Oh, it’s totally fine. That’s just how your brain is. It’s melancholic. And recently I noticed the look on her face and I thought, I don’t think she likes it. I’m saying that I don’t think she likes that I’m telling her that she is something.
And maybe that makes her feel hopeless. And here’s what I wanted to share. Two things about her in that situatiom. First, we don’t know what someone else is thinking or feeling.
We just really don’t. But sometimes we can guess sometimes we can look at somebody’s face. I mean, you can say hi. I just saw a look flash on their face. What could that have? We could say, well, maybe she was feeling pigeonholed. Maybe she was feeling
Like I had put a heavy weight around her neck about being a melancholic. And this was now like branded on her forehead and it was who she was and she couldn’t escape it. And maybe it wasn’t a good thing making all of this up because I don’t know. But as I saw this look on her face and I thought,
And it was a few times, by the way. So it wasn’t just once I thought, what could she be thinking? And I came up with this idea that I was telling you
Or who she was, but not in a positive way. So I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I thought, okay, if it was true, how do I want her to feel when I talked to her? And again, we have no control over that. She’s going to have her own thoughts. She’s going to have her own thoughts about what I say. I could come in with the best, most lovely, warm, and loving talk. And she could just be like, Oh, my mom is so annoying. Can’t control it.
But in this instance, I can just think of a different thing to say. So the first question I asked myself was how do I want her to feel? And I just want her to feel totally loved exactly the way that she is. That’s what I want her to feel. And I was trying to do that, but I can see that the way that I was trying to do that, maybe it wasn’t the way that she needed.
And so I have this desire that she, I feel loved just the way that she is. And so now, instead, when I see her, whether she’s being melancholic or not, I’ve been hugging her a lot more and saying, I love you so much. I am so glad that God picked me to be your mother. I love watching all the things you choose to do. I love watching your brain and how it works. So notice
I’m still in one way saying, I love you.
No, you’re melancholic and nothing is wrong with you. But I think I’m saying it in a better way that she can take in and I’m just testing it out and I’m watching her face. And again, I have no idea what she’s thinking. I could ask her, but I could tell at this stage, she’s a little talked out. It’s not her favorite thing. In fact, the other day, she was like, Oh, are you going to life-coach me? I laughed so hard. I said, yeah, probably, probably. I’m going to life-coach you a little bit. Cause I love you. So ever since then, I’m giving her a little bit more space. And I’m just saying, I love you so much.
I love who you are. I love how you spend your time, right? Just these beautiful blankets that I’m wrapping around her that just let her know that nothing is wrong. She’s perfect. Just the way that she is. And so the two things about that are that sometimes you can ask yourself, what was the other person feeling then? And if that person was feeling that, what might they have been thinking? And this is really helpful with your husband as well. Especially if you are in an argument and you clash and you go to your own corners and now you’re by yourself and you calm down. You always need to calm down first.
You can ask yourself, Whoa, what’s a strong interaction. What might he have been feeling then? And you might quickly come up with anger, frustration. I want you to ask yourself, what else might he been feeling? Is he scared of something? So you feel threatened in some way. Is he worried about you or the kids or his job or his security? And then when you find some other emotions, you can ask yourself, what might he have been thinking that would’ve made him feel scared or threatened or sad or lonely. And again, we don’t know if this is true. The only way we could know is if we could ask them. But sometimes it’s not always the right time to ask them. But when we consider for a moment, other people’s thoughts and feelings, we slow down and we see them in a completely different light. And when we come from that place of curiosity, do you know what you’re going to do? You’re going to be a problem solver.
You can do this with a teenager. Oh, okay. At teenager’s been rough lately. I wonder what he must be, feeling. Wonder what many things he’s feeling, which might be hard to guess for a teenager. I think you can, you could say, what might they be thinking? And immediately from that place of curiosity and love, you’re just going to be filled with love for them and problem solving on what they need. And I don’t know what that is for your husband and your teenager. All I know for me and my melancholic, because I, I, I slowed down enough to watch her face and go, huh? I’m not sure she’s taking in what I’m trying to say. I think she’s hearing it in a way that’s making her feel bad actually.
So then I was able to problem-solve how could I speak to her in a way that builds her up and makes her feel good? And I think I found it because she smiles when I say it now, even though she looks a bit embarrassed, but I can tell it’s reaching her. So that’s another just day-to-day way that I use mindset coaching. I kind of look at other people around me and I asked myself, what might they be feeling and what might they be thinking? And I don’t have the answer, but it usually drops me into a place of love and curiosity. And then I treat them in a better way. And that has been very powerful.
So the next time in my day recently that I have been using mindset. Coaching is around food and my body. And so I talked about losing weight in the weight loss episode. And there was a lot of mind set work that went into that. But now, now in this kind of maintenance mode, the work that I have to do is about love and acceptance. And that was similar to the work that I did in the beginning, but now I just take it to a deeper level. And that’s why I tell my clients that the mindset work is never really done, but that doesn’t feel scary when you realize that because it’s enjoyable to go deeper. It feels yummy to find more things and to fix them. It’s like how satisfying it is to clean the dust off of something. And nobody woke up and went, Oh, yay.
I’m going to clean the dust off the mantle place. But when you do it, it’s so satisfying. Like it’s so satisfying to watch that transformation happen. And then to look at it and go, Ooh, it’s so clean. And that’s the same thing that happens when we find yuck in our minds and we just clean it out. And then we think, Ooh, so shiny and clean. I love it. So for me, it is a very enjoyable activity, even if I don’t feel excited to do it. I now know that I just love the feeling that I have when I’m able to manage my mind. So I’ve been really loving and accepting toward my body and around food. So I lost 70 pounds and I’ve been kind of at the same weight since January. And I was starting to feel really frustrated about that. Like you only wanted to lose five more pounds and it’s been four months and I would drop acceptance, but then I’d go back to pressure. We’ve got to do this, we’ve got to figure it out.
And I’ve just now gotten to this place where I’ve decided to let it go just for a little,
I decided to just love and accept my body the way that it is. And I think God is just asking me to focus on other things, right. And I do love my body. I feel fantastic. I love the way that I look. I’ve never looked like this, right? I mean, I was pretty heavy even in high school and college.
And so I am very happy with my body, me and him just choosing to have this lovely form of acceptance that right now is just not the time that I’m going to lose these last five pounds, pounds. I don’t need to, nothing is wrong.
I need to fix anything. And in fact, when we come from that energy, it doesn’t work. It’s really hard to beat ourselves up into success. And so one day recently I stopped and I said, huh, why are we struggling with this? What’s going on in my mind?
Cause obviously, I know exactly how to lose weight and you know, you just make your food protocol and you write down the things you’re going to eat the day before you eat clean foods, go for some walks. It was pretty simple actually. And it worked really well, but I’m not doing those things and I’m not gaining weight, but I’m not losing weight either. And I felt in my body this sense of resistance And I just kept pushing through like, okay, I want to think about how I’ll feel when I lose those five pounds and who I’ll be com losing those five pounds and all of these tools that I have. I just found myself in resistance and pressury energy. I just felt really pressured to do this. And obviously that pressure was completely coming from myself. And so just recently, I’ve decided to kind of let it go. I don’t know for how long I’m very confident I will hit my goal weight this year.
Okay. And instead of just decided to hang out with my body, it’s like, I’m going to go for a skipping walk with my body. And we’re just going to have a good time and be happy and not think about those five pounds for a while.
And when I feel truly ready and I feel love and curiosity and willingness, maybe excitement, determination. When I feel those feelings, then I will choose to tackle those last five pounds. But I was just watching how much energy I was spending in resistance and telling myself that something had gone wrong because I wasn’t losing these last five pounds. And finally, I just got to the place where I thought, Oh, it’s just the wrong energy. And if I can’t figure out to think instead right now, maybe this just isn’t the right time. And when I decided that I instantly felt dislike weight, being lifted off of my shoulders and so much peace. And I will laugh a lot if like next week I’m like, Oh, okay, I’m ready now because it might not be a long time, but it might be a couple months, but I’ve just decided to let it go. My body looks just great for right now. I even love my body for the summer. Right. This body looks better than it has ever looked in a bathing suit of all time. Probably not of all time, but in my memory. So I’m feeling very happy and I just want to enjoy it, just going to enjoy this body and my life and all the things that are happening around me right now. So many fun things. We live in a new city. We’re meeting new people,
We’re fixing our house up. It’s just wonderful.
And I just want to enjoy it and not walk around feeling resistance or tension or pressure about these five pounds. So that is another way that I have used my mindset tools to manage something that came up recently.
And the last one I want to share with you is a house project. So we’re pretty significantly remodeling this house. I have painted every room upstairs. We are taking out all of the carpeting and putting in laminate flooring and for three rooms, we had to fill in popcorn ceilings and paint them.
And at the beginning of all of that, my brain would say, Ooh, it feels like a lot. It’s a lot to do. If my brain wanted to say that often. And now I know that that thought doesn’t really serve me and have this thought, Oh, there’s a lot to do. Or when you make progress and you look at it and your brain goes, Oh, you didn’t get very far. There’s still so much to do. How does that make us feel?
Make us, it makes us feel yucky. Some form of defeated, some form of dread, like, Ugh, there’s still so much to do. When in fact we were doing things pretty quickly and it was fun. I was listening to podcasts while I was painting. So I thought it was very interesting that my brain kept telling me that things were going wrong or something was bad. And this is my job. My job is to manage my mind and teach people how to do that. But it still happens that my brain wants to throw a fit about. And so every time I have to tell my brain, actually I think we’re doing a really good job. Like we’ve already finished painting the upstairs. Then we’re going to start on the downstairs and we enjoy it. Even if it takes awhile, the kids have been playing outside. It’s kind of fun to paint.
And it did take a lot of physical effort to move all of the things out of the bedrooms to do the floors. But we did it in one day and my husband did two offices and one day and the bedroom in the hallway and the next. So it really just wasn’t that long. And so my brain keeps still today. It was like, Oh, look, there’s so much to do. And I was like, sweetie, got to calm down. We’re doing just fine. It’s going at a really good speed. And we’re getting things done and it’ll be done exactly when it needs to be done. Right. It’s kind of a little bit of that. I’m going to have exactly the day that God wants me to have energy and we’re going to love it. It’s so neat that we finally live in a house that we get to put our own touches on because the last few houses we’ve lived in, somebody did all of the work before we moved in and made choices that weren’t the choices that we’d make.
So they were nice, but they weren’t the things we would pick. So it’s very special to get, to pick the things in this home and we’re having fun and it’s coming along just fine. And we are not behind. We were exactly where we need to be. So notice the way that I’m speaking to myself with love and compassion and acceptance. And then I try to find a thought that makes me feel either excited, determined. I really love willing. Cause there are some things we do that aren’t very fun and I don’t want to feel fun about it. And I want to be like, yay, toilets, but just willingness. Like I like that. I have the time to do this.
I liked that this is my job that God has given me this home. Alright, mamas. I just wanted to give you five. Did we do five? Might’ve been a few more than five, really practical examples of how, when you learn how to manage your mind, you’ve just up level your life over and over and over again, new things come up and you learn how to manage your mind around them. You learn how to talk to your toddler brain. You learn how to connect with the people around you. Even if we don’t get any more information about them. It’s amazing because when we drop into love and curiosity, we just treat them better. Even if we don’t know what’s going on in their minds, we can feel better about our days and what does, and doesn’t get down on the to-do list because you can borrow this thought. I’m going to have exactly the day that God wants me to have.
It is my life mission. Now to teach Catholic moms, to manage their minds, I’m going to build an army of Catholic moms who know how to manage their minds because you know what mamas we already get so much stuff done. Imagine, just imagine what else we could do if we had more energy because we were managing our minds. Well, in what ways would we be unstoppable? In what ways would we grow? In what ways would we bring Christ more into our families, more into our lives, more into our jobs and into the world. That is our mission. Our mission it made for greatness is to teach moms, to manage their minds so they can do the work that God wants them to do. And I don’t know what that is, but I know that if you learn how to quiet your mind, he will tell you, and then you can use the same tools to do what he asked you to do.
It’s really beautiful. It’s really amazing. And it changes everything. Alright, mamas, if you have any questions, reach out to me and let me know, follow us on Instagram at, at made for greatness coaching. We’ve been kind of playing around with that. It’s been fun. And we also have a Facebook business page, although we just take the Instagram posts and post them there, but you can follow us there and we ask questions there, right? Like what do you feel when you wake up in the morning? I just asked that question and it was really fun to see the answers and then to respond to those. So come chat with us. There. That’s a fun place where we can kind of begin exploring mindset work together. And then of course, if you want me as your coach, and if you want Larissa as your coach come join us in masters, we will coach you live in person or you can message us. And we coach you through messages. It’s pretty powerful. And it’s a skill that you get to take with you for the rest of your life, so that you can do the things that I talked about today, managing your mind in everyday situations. And that’s important mama, because you were not made for mediocrity. You are not made for surviving. You are not made for just getting through.
You were made to thrive. You were made to bloom. You were made to live in a state of love
And you were made for greatness.