“I’m not doing my best.”

“I’m constantly falling short.”

“There are so many fires that need to be put out every day.”

“I’m exhausted every day.” 

Mamas, these are all sneaky thoughts. Join Sterling today and find out how to know if you have sneaky thoughts running in the background of your day.

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Hi, and welcome to the made for greatness podcast. I’m your host Sterling Jay. And today on episode 21, we’re going to be talking about sneaky thoughts, but before we dive into that, I just wanted to share a little bit about my life. Personally, we just moved from Boise, Idaho up to Sandpoint, Idaho. It was kind of a crazy ride. We were looking for a house for more than nine months. I was actively looking at houses and putting an offers on houses. It was kind of a crazy experience as anyone trying to buy a house right now can attest to. And I know we just missed out on so many houses and that’s not even the word that I would use missed out. I would just say we didn’t win the bid. We would make an offer and there would be, you know, five to 10 offers higher than ours in cash.

And I remember that was true. Even when we went 50 over the asking price for like a dumpy fixer upper. And I was like, whatever, it has four walls, like let’s pick that one. And six people offered more than $50,000 over the asking price. So I wanted to share that story because I was in full belief that we were going to get a house because God had put it in my heart to move to Sandpoint, which is a place I hadn’t even heard of. And when he started planting the seeds, I wasn’t even thinking about moving and just happy in Boise. We had thought about maybe moving a little bit outside of Boise for a little bit more space, but that was it. I wasn’t ever looking outside of that. And I felt like God planted the seeds in my heart. And so I knew he was going to make it happen.

I didn’t know the timing and that was a little challenging, but I just kept reminding myself, listen, Sterling, you know, for sure that this desire comes from God and he does not give us any desires that he will not fulfill. And so even though it made no sense, and for nine months it looked like there was zero chance that we were going to get a house because we weren’t sitting on buckets of cash to buy an entire house. I still believed that it was possible. And it was only by the grace of God that it was possible that a very nice family through a crazy series of events had many deals fall through and eventually chose our family for a conventional loan. So I just wanted to share that with those of you who are in that crazy house, searching house buying process, or if you’re waiting for something else and God has placed something on your heart and it’s just there and it’s like niggling you in the back of your mind and you have this feeling, I know I should be somewhere else or be doing this other thing.

I’m just not sure of the timing. And I want you to know that it’s okay to just acknowledge that situation, just to say, you know what, Lord, I know this desire comes from you, so you will fulfill it. I don’t know the timing. So please give me grace to wait, help me to wait for your timing for this thing that you’ve placed on my heart. And then just completely trust that he can make it happen because there was no way I could have first seen how he made this house purchase possible for us. And the other thing that I could not have foreseen is where we ended up. We actually ended up North of Sandpoint, which was not what I thought I wanted. I really wanted to be South of Sandpoint so that we could be closer to quarter lane and St. Joan of arc there.

But we ended up, you know, I would have said yes to anything, right? If somebody would have given us a, a conventional loan or would have taken that as an offer. And so we ended up North of town and I love it so much. It’s just the perfect house for us. And just remember God’s plan is always better than your plan. So the other thing I wanted to share is that I did so much mom coaching in the last week. And I know that sounds silly, but honestly, I don’t do a ton of mom coaching. Even though masters is pitched for moms, we coach a lot on marriage and cleaning the house and finding our, you know, vocation within a vocation or unique call and feeling frustrated or childhood things or relationships with our moms. And the other thing that I do a lot of coaching on is with women who have adult children, and we’re either coaching on decisions that their adult children are making, or we coach on them finding themselves in this new season of life and trying to make decisions about what to do.

It’s like they were just in the mom tunnel for so long, probably not asking themselves what they really needed. And now they’ve kind of been spit out the other side of this tunnel and it feels like they’re a little bit disoriented and they’re like, I don’t even know what I should be doing right now. And we work with a lot of moms like that. So I just had an email the other day that said, you know, Hey is masters for younger moms. I said, you know, honestly, I think we skew closer to the empty-nester side. I think we have more moms in their late forties and fifties and early sixties than we do in their thirties, but we don’t ask them their age. I don’t know that for sure. But based on what I’m coaching on and who I see, I think that that’s probably true now.

I think the younger moms are the ones that hop on group coaching a little bit more. So we see their faces a little bit more, but if you’re an older mom and you think masters is for young moms, I just want to say masters is for anyone who hasn’t learned how to manage their mind. And since they don’t teach that in school or in most of the books that I’ve read and I’ve read a lot of books and I’ve taken a lot of programs that might be you, you might not know how to manage your mind.

So today we’re going to talk about sneaky thoughts and I’m going to show you just another way that we don’t tend to have awareness over what we’re thinking. So we’re just having thoughts all the time. And a lot of them don’t serve us. They’re creating results in our life that we do not want. And we’re just kind of acting like, Oh, I can’t do anything about it, but we can. So the first sneaky thought I want to talk about today is this idea that you’re not doing your best and some great coaching on this. And a mom said, you know, what do you do when you know, you’re just not doing your best. And we dug into it a little bit. And a great example of that is, you know, when you’re, you’re sitting in a chair and you’re scrolling on your phone and you even have this, this feeling, this urge, maybe the Holy spirit is saying, you should get up and go read books to the kids, or you should get up and speak to your teenage daughter, or you should start dinner because then you could make this thing that you won’t be able to make.

If you wait two hours. So you feel this kind of prompting, but in that moment, you choose to sit in the chair and scroll on your phone. And then later you have this thought or maybe immediately have this thought I’m not doing my best. And a lot of you think that that is a good thought, but it’s a motivating thought that it’s a helpful thought. And in some times of your life, maybe it has been maybe thinking I’m not doing my best light, a fire under you, right? I’m not a sports kid, but if I were at practice and maybe I was feeling a little bit sluggish that day, I could imagine some Virgin version of me that has this thought, you know, I’m not doing my best. Let’s kick it into high gear. And I like shake myself off. And I start doing the drills harder, faster, stronger.

So if you have the thought, I’m not doing my best. And it makes you kind of light up and smile and bill tingly, or like curious or anticipation, or like, Hey, what’s possible. Let’s go. That is a thought that actually serves you. But most of you want to say, 99% of you are thinking I’m not doing my best. And it feels awful. You feel like you’re failing your children. You feel like you’re failing at this motherhood thing or this wife thing or the cooking thing or the cleaning thing or whatever. You’re telling yourself, you’re not doing your best at, and here’s what I want to show you. There is no such thing, not the way you’re saying it. You don’t know what your best is. I know that sounds crazy. And I was talking to this woman and her brain, I would say like, okay, your brain looks like it.

Doesn’t like that answer also. What is your brain telling you? And I love that because it gives people the opportunity to challenge something that I’ve said without feeling like, you know, they’re doing it or that I might be upset at that. We’ll say, what is your brain telling you? And she was like, my brain is telling me that I do know what my best is, and then wasn’t doing it. And I think with the example of sitting in the chair, you guys can kind of agree with her. You can say, yeah, I mean, that mom isn’t doing her best. She could get up and she could read the books. Right. But here’s, what’s so interesting.

How many of you have been out of the house for long periods of time and you forgot to pack food or maybe you were moving, right? Like when we were moving, we were actually pretty good. I don’t think we did any fast food. We’re moving. I think I had already just decided not to do that, but every other time in my entire life, I packed everything had no food and then just ate fast food. And when you’re in that situation and you know that you’re unprepared, you’re like, Oh yeah, we didn’t have any food. And you’re driving. And you’ve got a big project that you’re trying to take care of. You might even feel like it’s not the best option to go drive through and get a hamburger or somewhere. If you have some sort of standard around not doing that. But if you did it, you’d probably be pretty gentle with yourself.

You’d be like, you know what? This is just where we’re at right now. I don’t have any other food. We’ve got to get this done. We’re just going to go get a burger. It’s no big deal. You gotta gentle with yourself because you would have this idea that that was the best that you could do. Now you may know, even in that moment, well, we really could go stop at a grocery store and get something healthier and try to cobble it together and eat it in the car. All right. So you know that that’s an option, but you probably have decided, I just don’t have the time to do that right now, or I’m not going to make the time to do that right now. The drive-through cheeseburger is my best right now. It’s totally fine. So I want you to think about times where made that choice.

You know, maybe it’s just, you’re driving around soccer practice. I don’t know if that’s happening anymore, but I think you could imagine two years ago when that was happening and you’re driving around and you just were out late and you didn’t have any food. And so you just did the drive through thing for you and the kids. And in that moment, you don’t beat yourself up for it. You’re just like, yeah, this is what we’re doing. You should meet yourself where you’re at. And the reason you got there is because you didn’t plan because you could’ve earlier in the day or earlier in the week known that you were going to be out of the house for a long period of time. And you could have packed protein bars or, you know, almonds or carrot sticks or whatever it is. You could have done that, but you didn’t, and now you’re here.

And so you just kind of make the best of the situation and you don’t usually, I don’t think beat yourself up for that moment. You’re just like, yeah, that’s where we’re at. And we see that situation clearly. But I want to tell you that. I think most moms are doing that with their time. Let me explain that in the moving drive-through analogy, right? You didn’t plan. You’re so tired. You’re so hungry. You don’t have time and you need something easy. So you eat the French fries. Okay. By the time you got to that moment, it was too late. Your resources were kind of tapped out and you just needed that to make it through you were hungry and probably hangry, and you just needed that. And you felt okay about it. I think we’re doing that with time. We’re not making any real time for ourselves.

We’re not taking a solid hour of something fun or relaxing or enjoyable. We’re not caring for our bodies. And so by the time we get to this moment, when you’re sitting in the chair, your version of scrolling and not reading books to your kids is your body’s desperate plea for something. And so you scroll on your phone, which is like eating the French fries. It is the best that you can do in that moment. Right? What if that is your best? You don’t know what if God is sitting with you and he’s like, you know what, sweetie, you have been burning the candle at both ends. You do just need to sit here for a little while.

What you’re doing is completely fine. You just need a little bit of time where no one is crawling on you or pulling on you or ignoring you. Sometimes when we’re with the kids, they don’t listen to us. Sometimes they’re talking all the time. Sometimes they’re just not doing what we say, or, you know, the tweens and teens are not sharing their lives with us. But what if this is exactly the same situation where you’ve let you know the whole day or maybe many days, and you’re not taking care of yourself. And you sitting in that chair is the equivalent of being stuck out of the house for five or six hours. Not having any food or water, not having a plan. The best you can do is scroll on your phone for, to meet your needs.

And I don’t, I don’t know if that’s the best for you, but when you tell yourself I’m not doing my best, I just want to offer. Maybe you don’t know if that’s true, maybe that really is your best. Maybe if you had pushed through that moment or many moments you would have burnt out, you would have snapped at the kids. Maybe there was a part of you inside that just knows, Hey honey, you shouldn’t just sit here for a little while, got to recover. Right. And you know that when you have the physical sensation of hunger and you’re out of the house, you’re like, Oh, that’s a real need. So I’m not going to feel bad about getting the burger. Even if it wasn’t on my plan, you’re more gentle with yourself, especially if it’s an unusual situation. I just want to offer to you.

What if that’s completely true of a random Wednesday when you’re sitting in your living room, scrolling on your phone. Now I don’t like to feel powerless. I don’t like excuses. And so if I notice this one, I would just be really loving and compassionate with myself. And I would be like, yes, sweetie, you take your best that day. What if that was your best? Maybe I still don’t even know. I would just assume it because why not? I’d be like, maybe that’s what you needed. And anyway, we made that choice already, right? Life coaching is future focused. So I notice that I made this choice. I feel totally fine about it. I love myself through it. I just say that was the right choice for me that day, because it’s already happened. And then I asked myself from a place of peace and love and acceptance or curiosity, how do I want to live instead? How do I want to share it for myself and for my kids? Instead if I didn’t like that, I was sitting in that chair, scrolling on my phone. Maybe I create a system where I put my phone in the kitchen drawer.

Maybe I asked my husband for three hours on Saturday morning, or I think I shared on this podcast that my husband and I were doing this thing where we’d go to mass and then we’d come home. And then I would go to a coffee shop and do spiritual reading. We’ve moved. So our rhythms are different now. And I don’t know if I’ll continue doing that, but it was so perfect for me at that time. And I felt so bad asking for that because it was like Sunday and family time. But Oh my goodness, that time made me so refreshed and happy. And then I was ready to do family things because what ended up happening is Saturdays ended up being kind of like work days or house days. And then Sundays were like mass. And then I felt forced to spend time with everybody. And I just never got a break.

And I am amazed at how refreshing an hour or an hour and a half where you really give yourself over something that, that gives you joy and that you enjoy it. Doesn’t even have to be spiritual. How much of a difference that makes like, I don’t need a vacation. I don’t need to be gone for six hours. And usually after an hour and a half, I’m like, you know what? I miss those crazy monkeys. It’s not the silliest thing. Like crave to get away and have some peace and quiet. And then when we do, I’m like, Oh, I wonder what the kids are doing. That’s a wonderful feeling to miss your own life take. So these sneaky thoughts, the sneaky thought not doing my best. You think it’s a good thing you think? And I’m sure it has gotten you motivated sometimes in your life.

Cause you beat yourself with it. And if you beat yourself enough, you do show up more the way you want to in your life. That is never sustainable. Right? Reinforcing something with a negative consequence. It’s not as good as reinforcing something with a positive consequence. So instead I want you to just like love that you do exactly what you need to do every day to get through the day. And it is right for you. This isn’t one of those relativity talks. I’m not sure we say relativity where everything is relative. We’re like, Oh, what’s good for you. Isn’t good for me. I’m not talking about moral issues. We’re not talking about absolute truths. What I’m suggesting is that maybe the day that you sat in your chair and scrolled on her phone is what you needed that day. And if you were my client, I would say, do you want to do that tomorrow? If not, let’s make a plan and let’s start with your mindset. You know, what was your day leading up to that moment? Like what was the day before? Like, is it full of pain and that you just desperately need this moment? Like you need food.

Let’s get curious about that and manage around that. Okay. So another sweetie thought is I’m exhausted every day. A lot of you say that to me, like it’s true. And I know your brain right now is like, listen, I am exhausted. Okay. So there are two types of feelings. One is the sensation in our body. So you do experience a sensation of tiredness. I did not sleep very well. Last night. I’ve always suffered from insomnia. I don’t know what was going on last night. Cause I didn’t break any of the rules. I was off my phone. I didn’t eat late. I all the things, but for whatever reason, I got very little sleep last night. And so my body is physically tired. I was kind of burned a little bit. I feel a little bit slumped over.

But when we have the physical sensation of being tired, it is far less painful than having the thought. I am exhausted all the time. How does that make you feel when you think I’m exhausted all the time, how does it make you feel about yourself, about your life, about your future? Probably pretty yucky. That is the thought that is optional. You say it to me like you’re reading me the news, like, Hey, I have blonde hair and blue eyes and I’m exhausted all the time. And as a coach, I would just say, that’s just a thought I’m not dismissive of how my clients feel, but it’s my job to show them. They’re just thinking that you could choose to think something else. And that’s in fact what I did this morning, I woke up and I was like, all right, we’re going to be tired today. Our body is going to be tired today. Let’s see what else we can get done. Anyway. Maybe I’ll try to take a nap.

I didn’t make it mean anything. I didn’t even go, Oh yeah, you struggle with sleeping so much. You have insomnia. Here we go. Again. Maybe it will be three nights in a row. Kind of made this whole story about it. And instead I’m like, yeah, I guess that’s the night that God wanted me to have. Wonder what today’s going to be like. It doesn’t have to mean anything about me or my day. I always get to choose how I show up. And from that place from a place of complete love and acceptance, I can also ask my body, Hey love. What do you need? Right? When we don’t get a lot of sleep, our body wants more carbs. So I could say your body’s going to want donuts and pasta. We don’t eat that anymore. Maybe you should get some potatoes, Yukon, gold potatoes and mash them. So your body has a little bit more carbs today because it’s one-on-one to burn something with fast energy.

So that’s just another sneaky thought. I’m exhausted every day. Here’s another one I’m constantly falling short. This isn’t similar to, I’m not doing my best. I just want you to notice a lot of you are having this, this thought I’m constantly falling short. I’m not good enough. What does that even mean? Falling short of? I bet you don’t even know. I bet if I was like, Oh, do you have a list of behaviors that you want to do every day? And you’re not doing those behaviors. Some of you have some sense of goals. That’s not what you’re talking about. You are genuinely talking about a vague idea of this person that you want to be. And that you think that you’re falling short of this person. You want to be, but it’s not even clear to you.

It’s just a sneaky thought. Here’s another one. There are so many fires that need to be put out every day. Guess what? Mama came to your house. It would literally see zero fires like, Oh, your kids are talking. They are doing things. Your house is its present level of cleanliness. And here’s, what’s crazy is that you tell yourself a lot of you say, I just, I can’t keep up. I can’t manage it all. I don’t know how to feed everyone homeschool. Then clean the house, be a good wife. Get everybody to their lessons. Take care of myself, made this long list. And you’re like, I don’t know how to do it. I don’t want to offer you literally are doing it. All of you on some level are feeding the kids. You are cleaning the house. You are getting the kids where they need to be. You are taking care of yourself at some level, you literally are doing a whole of those things and you always get the important ones done. How do I know? Because we’re moms, you let the things slide. That can slide. So maybe you don’t put the laundry away. So maybe you made pizza for dinner instead of like chicken and roasted vegetables on a bloggers website. That looks fantastic.

So maybe you aren’t taking that important self-care time, but you got up, you put some clothes on and you handled the day. You literally are doing it. Stop letting your brain tell you lights, who wants you to believe lights? Who wants you to believe that you are not doing your best? You are falling short, that you are exhausted every day, that there are so many fires that you cannot teach the kids, cook clean, be a good wife to take care of yourself and get everybody where they need to be. All of those are lies. And the devil and our twisted culture, they planted them and we water them every day, right? This is all of us. This is all of us moms.

Some of you do this around your job. You have a job and you go to work every day and you’re like, I’m not really good at my job. Someone’s going to find out, I feel like a fraud. I feel like I’m the worst one. I feel like my boss doesn’t like me. Now. I’m going to dig into all of those. But it’s the same thing. How do you know? Is it true? Are you sure? Maybe the opposite is true. And when we have one of these thoughts and it makes us feel yucky, I super guarantee you. We’re not showing up in your life, the way that you want to.

Alright, mamas. I just want today to be about awareness, maybe in a different episode, I will tell you how to shift and find different thoughts. But today I just want, you have awareness of the ticker tape that is running in your mind and you are watching it. Like you have no control over it, but you absolutely do. And that doesn’t mean that you’re not going to have these thoughts pop up, but I immediately talk myself out of them now. So my brain this morning would have been like, Oh, you’re gonna have a terrible day. I probably would have said that before. If I got so little sleep and now my Saint brain, my mature brain that I’m growing says, Oh listen, sweetie, I know that we’re going to have the sensation of tiredness today. But we got have a great day. We don’t even know what’s going to happen.

Could be really fun. Let’s find out, right? So if you have this thought, I’m always falling short, right? That’s just a thought error. It’s a lie that pops up and you can see it. Now, like one of those little conversation, bubbles above yourself, and you get to talk yourself out of it. You could say, Oh, but remember we listen to that podcast. And Serling said, there’s literally no such thing. As falling short in the vocation of motherhood. I’m exactly where I need to be. Nothing is wrong. God loves me. I am the perfect mother for my children.

I was born for this. I’m doing a great job, right? Let’s start grouping those neural pathways because that’s what God wants you to believe. He wants you to see yourself the way he sees you, which is beautiful, lovable, wonderful show. Unique. Just the way he designed you. We keep telling him he’s wrong. I’m a little too anxious. Oh, I really like order. Well, I’m a free spirit. I really don’t like taking care of housework. I don’t love children. I don’t know why you gave me six of them. I keep telling him that he got it wrong and he must be chuckling. Cause I think he’s got a pretty good sense of humor. And he knows that everything he does is perfect and right. So he must be like, just wait and see. And you’re pretty great.

And I need this perfect life for you. Watch what happens. And I did a better job this time looking for this house and trusting God through the process. It wasn’t perfect. There were moments when I doubted and I was in fear and I was like, I just don’t see how this could happen. That would be my thought here. And then, you know, my St grant would be like, remember God always fulfills the desires of our hearts. This is in the Bible. So if you have a deep desire and it comes from God, he will fulfill it. Let’s see what happens, ladies. His plan was much better than my plan. And I’m very grateful that he created me to live at a time, such like this.

Want you to feel that way about your own life this week. I want you to notice what are you thinking? How is it making you feel when you feel that way? How do you show up in your life? This week is just about awareness. And if you want to know how to take it to the next step, you don’t want to wait for that podcast episode because it won’t be the next one. I do. I have a different plan for that. Then come join us in masters. Doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a working mom or not a hundred percent of us need to learn that our thoughts create our results. And that’s the best news that anyone could ever hear. Because as soon as you’re able to really see the thoughts that you’re having and understand that they are creating the results in your life, you can choose new thoughts and you can have new results in your life. And it’s pretty incredible. All right, art is I’m praying for you. Don’t forget you were made for greatness.

Thank you for listening to the made for greatness podcast. Come join our Catholic life coaching community  at www.madeforgreatness.co that’s made for greatness.co. Have a blessed day.