I cannot remember who told me this or when I first heard about this, but someone at some point told me to make decisions ahead of time. And what this meant was to decide about the important things in your life. Decide about them ahead of time, because oftentimes when we’re in the moment, there’s a lot of emotions. Maybe there’s temptations, there’s other factors that make it hard to make a really clear decision. And so I remember taking that advice and really looking at my life, even as a teenager in high school. And there were some big things for me that I wanted to make decisions on ahead of time. One of those decisions was that I knew that I didn’t wanna drink alcohol until I was 21. In fact one of my friends and I kind of talked about this and we were like, let’s just not drink before we’re 21.

There were a lot of friends and people in high school that were drinking and partying. And I just remember thinking, I don’t wanna do this. I wanna make this decision ahead of time. And doing so really helped me, especially making that decision with a friend and kind of having some support from another person. So even if I found myself in an environment where people were drinking or I might be at a party, I had already made that decision. So when it was offered to me, I didn’t have to try to make a decision at that moment to say no. I had already said no. And I also had a pretty strong why. I had a strong reason for why I didn’t wanna drink, because part of me didn’t wanna put myself into a situation where I would be compromised in any way.

I Didn’t, didn’t wanna feel out of control. I didn’t want to do something that maybe I would regret. So I had thought about not only the decision ahead of time, but the why behind it. And that was kind of solidified into me in high school very, it was very similar to, I had already made a decision in advance that I was going to practice chastity in high school, and that I really didn’t want to be in any type of sexual relationships. And so I made that decision ahead of time as well. And my reasons why at that time weren’t so much spiritual reasons. I just didn’t wanna get pregnant. I didn’t wanna get an std. Those were my why’s. But I had made that decision ahead of time before I had gotten into any serious relationships. And so the nice thing about that was when I did get into a relationship, I had already made the decision.

I already knew what I wanted and why I wanted it. And so those are just a couple of examples of how valuable that was for me in high school. But now, fast forward to my life today. One of the things we talk about often in masters and in coaching and with clients is how do we want to show up? It’s all about intentionality and thinking ahead of time, almost about our future self. And this is what I want us to be thinking about right now as we’re preparing for these coming days for Christmas. We know that this is a busy time. We’ve got a lot going on. There’s a lot of demands placed on us as wives, as mothers, as women. And as we all know, we really are the heart of our homes and our family life. And so we set the tone for how these days are gonna unfold.

And it’s very important for us to be thinking, how do I wanna feel over these next few days? How do I wanna show up? What tone do I want to set for my family? Because chances are my husband’s gonna feed off of my emotions. My kids are gonna feed off of me, my other family members’, relatives, everyone’s gonna kind of feed off of what I’m putting out there. And so this really is the question, can we decide ahead of time how we wanna feel, what we need to think to generate those emotions? And truly, how do we wanna show up? So for me, I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve been reflecting on it, and I have three emotions that I’m really wanting to focus on this year around Christmas time. I want to be present. That is one of the emotions that I really wanna feel.

That’s how I wanna show up. And to be honest with you, it’s hard for me. And this is why I’m trying to be very intentional about that, because oftentimes in the midst of having parties and celebrations and wanting to make sure things are wonderful for everyone, it’s very easy for me to just be in my head thinking about all the things I have to do versus being really present. The other emotion that I wanna feel is I wanna feel peace. I wanna, I wanna feel a sense of peacefulness, and I want to show up in this way where I’m calm and again present. And I’ve just noticed so many times that when I’m stressed out and overwhelmed and frantic and short and irritable and snappy with people, it just makes everyone else in my house respond in a very similar way. And then my husband gets irritated and frustrated and he’s snapping at everyone, and my kids are snapping at each other.

So I know that if I can really decide ahead of time how I wanna be peaceful and present, then I’m gonna help everyone else in my family do the same, although I can’t control my family. So it’s not a guarantee that they’re all gonna be peaceful as well, but it’s definitely gonna help them. And I know that it will. And then finally, for me, I just wanna feel a sense of lightness. I wanna feel playful, joyful. And again, for me, this is one of those areas that’s hard. I tend to get so much into my head that things start to feel heavy and burdened. And again, I’m thinking about the things that I need to do. And when I feel that way, it just feels like everything’s a lot of work. And I don’t wanna feel like that this Christmas. I wanna feel a sense of lightness, a sense of everything’s okay, everything’s in control, and I can enjoy this moment.

I can enjoy the people in my life. I can enjoy the blessings that are unfolding before me. And so for me right now several days out from Christmas, I’m really thinking about this. I’m thinking about this ahead of time, deciding ahead of time how I wanna show up. Now in masters, we’re always talking about intentional models. And an intentional model is kind of looking ahead and of determining how I actually want to feel in a certain circumstance or situation? And that’s really what I’m talking about today. These emotions that I’m talking about, peaceful, present, light, joyful, fun, those are intentional emotions. And it would fall into an intentional model. And so in order to have an intentional model, I have to think about not only the emotion that I wanna have, but also the thoughts that I wanna practice on purpose that I know will generate those emotions.

And the more I practice those, the more I’m thinking about those, the more intentional I am about those, the greater likelihood will be that I’ll actually be able to work towards generating those emotions that I want to feel and end up showing up how I actually want to show up. It’s so incredibly powerful, and this is the thing so many people don’t even realize this is an option for them. So many people just feel like their emotions are a result of their circumstances. And what happens, and this is why so many people feel out of control with their emotions, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Our emotions are caused by our thoughts. And once we realized this, we realized, oh my gosh, I actually have more power and control over my thoughts than I realized. And we certainly have more power over our thoughts than we do over the circumstances that are often outside of our control.

So I want you to think about this in the next few days. What emotions do you really want to feel? Get clear with this. Name those emotions, say them out loud, write them down. What you’re doing is, in a way, you’re kind of pre-programming your brain to help you show up how you really wanna show up. Because if you don’t do this in advance, if you don’t kind of program yourself in a way, then what’s gonna happen is your brain’s just gonna go to, its the default mode. And man, for me, I’ll tell you what my default mode is. My default mode is stress and overwhelm and being short and irritable and cranky with everyone. That’s my default mode. And so I know that if I’m kind of going about my days and something goes wrong or something doesn’t go as planned, if I’m not intentional about how I wanna show up in those moments, then it’s just gonna go into default mode and I’m gonna show up feeling frantic and stressed and overwhelmed and cranky.

And that’s not how I wanna experience Christmas this year. So I’m just gonna share with you my examples of some of the thoughts that I have written down that I’m practicing right now. I’ve actually been practicing these throughout this week, and I wanna tell you, it has made a big difference for me. So first of all, when it comes to feeling peaceful, these are some thoughts I’ve been practicing lately. And this one has actually been helpful for me because we’ve been actually focusing on peace this entire last quarter of the year in Masters. So the idea and the emotion of peace has been on my heart and mind the last few months. And I’ve been very intentional about practicing some of these thoughts. And again, this is where I’ve started to notice a big difference in my own daily life. Not that I can control many of the circumstances that are in it, but I can control how I show up.

And when the idea and the concept of showing up in a peaceful and calm way are kind of in the background, it helps me to, to really show up more from that place. So here are a few of my intentional thoughts that help me to enter into that emotion of feeling peaceful. Everything is okay, . Now I laugh a little bit because it’s three words, but I have to tell you those three words can be so powerful. And I have them on repeat in my mind. Everything’s okay, everything’s okay, Lorissa, everything’s okay. And the moment I say those words and I really lean into them, I’m like, okay, yeah, not a problem. This situation isn’t a big deal. Everything is okay. I think this thought often when maybe things aren’t going as I expect them to go, and it just helps me to keep my brain from just totally freaking out, everything is okay, and I enter into that kind of peaceful place.

I also practice this thought, everything will work out as it should. Everything’s gonna be okay, and everything will work out as it should. Again, this one reminds me of my expectations and how sometimes I have expectations or ideas of how things ought to be or how I want them to play out. But when I remind myself everything will be okay, and everything will work out as it should, it reminds me that it may not work out as I have planned, but it will work out as it should. And it opens me up to this possibility that there’s other options of how things should work out. And maybe just maybe God is working in the midst of this, and that I can trust that everything will be okay and everything will work out. Again. It’s just me reminding my brain that nothing has gone wrong and that things can look differently than how I expect them to look.

And then another thought that helps me to feel peaceful is this. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. I joke around with myself that I’m a recovering perfectionist, but this is the dill. The desire to want things to be perfect has oftentimes robbed me of the peace that I know God wants to give to me. And so again, perfectionism has a lot to do with having really high unbeatable expectations. And so when we kind of drop those expectations a little bit and understand that things don’t have to be perfect, they don’t have to always go exactly how we envision them to need to go in order for things to still be wonderful, to still be meaningful, to still be fun, to create memories. It doesn’t have to be perfect. And so I love this thought. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it can still be wonderful.

That opens my brain and my understanding to the possibilities that things could go differently and they can still be wonderful. All of that leads me to feeling a sense of peace, of knowing things will work out, knowing that there’s always other options, knowing that everything is okay, helps me to feel peaceful. And when I practice those thoughts over and over and over again, they start to settle into my brain and into my heart as almost a belief. And that just continues to generate more emotions of peacefulness when I actually really believe that everything can be okay, when I actually believe that things can still be wonderful, even if it doesn’t always go as planned. And I know that if I can show up feeling peaceful, it’s gonna help my family experience a greater amount of peace as well. Now, my next emotion that I wanna feel is present.

I wanna feel present. And so here’s a few of the thoughts that I’m practicing right now to help me feel more present and to be aware of feeling present. Because again, it’s so easy for our brains to spin out and to only be thinking about what do I need to do next? And what do I need to get and what do I need to prepare that we often miss the gift that God wants to give to us in this present moment. Remember, God is most present in the present moment. We need to entrust the past to his mercy, entrust the future to his providence, and stay in this present moment because this is where God is moving and active and showing up. And he doesn’t want us to miss the gifts and the blessings that he wants to reveal to us at this moment.

So where is our head? Where are our thoughts? What are we focusing on? And where are we directing our attention? And so some of the thoughts that I’ve been practicing for being present are this life is unfolding right in front of me. I don’t wanna miss this moment. So I keep thinking that life is unfolding right now, right before my eyes, and I don’t wanna miss it. And I certainly don’t wanna miss these precious moments with my family, my children, my parents, my relatives, my friends. I want to take this all in. I want to feel it and experience it and feel fully alive in this moment. Because if I’m only looking ahead at the future, I’m gonna miss the gifts and the blessings and the miracles and all that God is wanting to reveal to me right now. Another one of my thoughts that helps me to feel more present is when I realize that one of the greatest things that I can give to my family and give to the people in my life that matter most is actually the gift of my presence.

The gift in my presence is more powerful and important than any meal that I can make for someone or a gift that I could buy, that the actual gift of our presence is so significant and so important. When we hear stories of people that maybe had an encounter with a living saint, kind of like a Mother Teresa or Saint John Paul ii, they often would say that even in the midst of big crowds or a lot going on, mother Teresa, John Paul, two other amazing holy people, had this incredible gift of being present with a person right in front of them. It was almost as though they recognized that God was in that person and they wanted to experience him working in that person, that individual. And so I think about that often. Like I want to recognize the presence of God in the people around me, in my life, and I also want to bring his presence to their lives.

And so often in this world today, we have so many distractions from cell phones to so much noise, videos, tv worries, anxieties, all the things that are going on in our heads that truly we are not really very present to one another. And so when we are present, it is such a gift. When we sit and we look at someone and we talk to them, we hug them, we embrace them, we look into their eyes, we ask them how, how they’re doing, we ask them questions, and we really take the time to be with that person. I mean, is there really any greater gift than that to actually look at them and say, you matter to me and I care about you, and I wanna know what’s going on in your life, or I just want to enjoy this time with you. That is such a gift.

So I think about that and how I want to offer that gift to others. Along these same lines, a thought that I’ve been practicing a lot lately has been, I am a blessing. This phrase was in Chris Stephan’s book, Living Joy. And it hit me really powerfully when I read it earlier this summer about do I really believe that I’m a blessing? And when I do believe that I am a blessing, that I want to be a blessing to others? And again, I think it comes back to realizing what a blessing we can be, just being ourselves and how showing up being present becomes a blessing to others. So even just the thought that I am a blessing helps me to focus on being present and just allowing the gift of who I am to be a blessing to others. And then finally, I come back to this place of knowing that God exists so powerfully in this present moment.

So my other thought is simply, God, you are here right now. That’s it. God, I know you are here right now. I don’t wanna miss you. Help me to see you right now at this moment. Reveal yourself to me. Help me to see you in the people in my midst. Help me to see you in these special, profound, beautiful, simple moments. Help me to feel your love right now. So those types of thoughts, practicing those help me to stay in the present moment. And then finally, the emotion of wanting to feel light and unburdened, even playful and fun again, for me, these types of emotions are a little bit more difficult because I tend to feel burdened a lot. And again, I think it’s because of my thoughts and worrying about things or feeling anxious about things. And so to feel light and playful and unburdened, I actually have to be very intentional about it.

I have to practice. And some of the thoughts for this I’ve already actually shared, but the things that help me to feel a little bit lighter and unburdened are simply the thoughts. Again, everything’s okay, Lorissa, everything’s okay. Everything’s working out, everything’s fine. And then even sometimes just taking a couple deep breaths, like, okay, take a deep breath. Everything’s fine. Another thought that really helps me is to remind myself that I am the heart of the home. And so just having that thought and reminding myself, okay, Lorissa, you’re setting the tone. You’re the heart of the home. How do you wanna show up? Oh, I wanna show up feeling light and unburdened. It honestly can be as simple as that. And then finally, just looking at the things that I feel grateful for. So in the last few days leading up to Christmas, I’ve been really trying to find these little moments of gratitude, of thanking God for the home that we have, thanking God for my husband, my children, my family, my parents.

Thanking God for the ability to have food and to be in a warm home because it’s so cold outside right now. And just realizing the gifts and the blessings of, for the most part, being fairly healthy, having all of our basic needs met, and knowing that our lives are truly blessed. When I focus on having an attitude of gratitude and I think about those things and I hone in on them, and I look at the little things in my life and I spend some time reflecting on what I’m most grateful for, I actually, the burden starts to lift. And I start to feel like things are a little bit lighter, that I can just sit in the recognition of how blessed I am and take a little bit of time to just enjoy those blessings, to soak them in to, in a way, honor those blessings.

Because again, our life is so fast and at such a high pace, and it’s so full, and there’s so many things pulling for our attention. And yet, when we stay in the present moment, when we look at the things that we’re most grateful for, and then take some time to just sit with that and realize the abundance of blessings in our lives, then it helps us to truly feel that sense of lightness. At least it does for me. And so my sisters in Christ, this is the power of this work, of doing thought work and thinking intentionally and ahead of time, and deciding ahead of time how we wanna feel, what thoughts are gonna

Generate, generate that how we wanna show up. And I promise you, it will impact the way you experience these really special moments in your life. There is so much that God wants to reveal to us. Let’s not miss it. Let’s decide ahead of time. Let’s decide on purpose how we wanna show up. And of course, as always, remember Mama, you are Made for Greatness.